Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
