it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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