Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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