I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
