Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
