So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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