Im at strip club and am horny
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
