My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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