Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
