She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
