The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
