very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
