U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
