if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
