Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
