this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
