he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
