Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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