im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
