just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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