Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
