mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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