my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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