I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
