Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
