I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
