I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
