So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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