i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's never too late to be topless.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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