Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think your dad took our porno
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
