i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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