During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
