I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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