Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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