we're blogging at a bar
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
