Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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