we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
