So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
