I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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