i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
