i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
