Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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