OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So here I am, sexting at work.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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