you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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