If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize