I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize