Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
