someone get that fucking seahorse.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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