I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
