I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
