That reminds me...we need to get swords
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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