eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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