She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
