you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
