So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
bring money and cleavage
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
