it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
