sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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