the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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