yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
