were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
