Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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