You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
