Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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