i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
