I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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