I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he shaved USA in his pubs
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
