allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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