Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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