GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
