there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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