I wish my penis had an off switch
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
