take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
