I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Help me help you realize you are a moron
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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