Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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