I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
