Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
