Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm having to shit out rocks
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
