I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
