I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
