Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
