When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
