Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
