I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize