I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
