It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
