She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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