We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
