Porn is love you can see.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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