I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
