I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
