i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
