If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
the raccoons are back...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
