After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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