i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
