Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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