My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
