so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
