Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
