At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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